Invisible girl

Laughter erupted! The next thing I know everyone was talking about my family living under bushes, being homeless, not having clothes, and on and on. I was so ashamed. I felt my heart beating in my chest as I tried to come up with a smart sassy rebuttal, but I didn’t have one.

A place to call home

I used to imagine that the splattered seeds mixed with the green and white chunks of Osage-orange flesh were what brains on the pavement would look like. I thought that until a few kids and I stumbled on a bunch of blood and what appeared to be brain matter on the ground behind a building on our walk to school just about a week before. It was not the same, at all! We, I mean I, poked at some of the larger greyish chunks with a pencil from my bag. I was so fascinated by the soft and delicateness of it. It didn’t seem reasonable that this soft fragile mass could be the source of who we were. I could not comprehend what happened to the magic of the memories, thoughts, and love as the neurons that produced them lay in the street.

Burnt Toast

I loved being a chocolate baby doll, I remember hearing “You’re so cute!” “Look at those eyes!” and “You have a head full of hair.” I never heard the qualifier “you’re so cute, for a dark little girl” all I heard was “cute dark girl”. It wasn’t until kindergarten, I started associating my skin complexion…

Fade to Black

Life is crazy, one day you are reading encyclopedias at your grandma’s house and pretending to be an adventurer searching for treasure and the next you are holding a knife and yelling “get out or I will fucking kill you” at the top of your lungs. A lot can change in a very short span of time, the space between Raiders of the Lost Ark and Romancing the Stone was only about three years or so. After those three years my childhood ended, my life changed in so many ways…

1975

I’m a product of emancipation, civil rights movement, and the first real drug epidemic to hit the Black community. Before there was crack there was heroin. Of course I was way too young to realize any of this, all I knew I was safe, full, and not wanting for anything living with my grandparents and…

All paths are one

I was seven when the Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark came out and ten when Romancing the Stone hit the big screen. I was instantly in love and KNEW that I would one day be an archaeologist traveling the world hunting down treasure and finding romance as I did. I will admit that prior to this revelation, I thought I was going to be an astronaut and have space adventures like in Star Wars but that was back when I was a little kid. Raiders and Romancing the Stone came out in the early 80s I was much more mature by then and therefore able to make more realistic life choices! LMAO!

Fear Part 2… Weight or Motivator

Fear is a powerful mind fuck. For over two weeks I found myself in the grips of fear over my mammogram results. My first appointment was canceled and instead of me searching for the silver lining, fear dug it’s claws in deeper. I promise I can feel the undiagnosed cancer spreading through my body. I…

I Am Afraid To

Fear had become a part of me, like a vestigial organ, hiding in the space between my heart and my lungs. Serving no purpose and providing no benefit at this point in my evolution. It would squeeze my heart just a bit to keep me from fully experiencing joy, reminding me to not get comfortable or let my guard down because pain was sure to arrive soon. It would push all the air out of my lungs and leave me gasping for oxygen when I began to consider the possibility that I was enough, conditioning me so I would know that I was not…

Fear, My Super Power

I’m suppose to be writing about my past, my childhood. Reflecting on how other’s life choices effected my past, but on the eve of test to see if I might have breast cancer, I can’t stop thinking about what my future might look like. How procrastination will adversely effect my children. I’m so fucking angry…

Memories

In high school I was left a memory in the Last Will and Testament of my senior year book.  That year, while juggling two part time jobs, an internship with IBM, a relationship and high school I managed to forget every single thing that I was supposed to remember.  Every day when I climbed on the bus that would transport me and my classmates to…