I know many suggest that you simply rid yourself of all expectations and be open to love. But I really just don’t understand how one is supposed to just magically want that which you don’t naturally want. We should all have standards and expectations, healthy and realistic expectations are a requirement. So then How? How in this era of standards, perspectives, and expectations are we afforded the opportunity to lay claim and how do we allow ourselves to be claimed?
I love to live life, to read, to travel, to enjoy every moment with my kids, and always create new memories. To do these things I need money, so I have ambition but its limited. I am not willing to work more hours, I am not willing to have less time with my kids, nor am I willing to sacrifice my personal time. I used to feel odd. Like I needed to be doing more. Like I needed three different revenue streams. Like I needed to be this new ambitious woman. Women had fought for the right to be all those things and here I am squandering all the opportunities they toiled for. This used to send a symphony of “You Are Not Good Enough” reverberating through the echo chambers of my mind. Especially when I first left grad school.
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will Disappear.” Tao Te Ching
I was always the one that ended things. I would stop the abandonment from happening. I cannot recall a time in my life where the other party ended a relationship with me (this happened before Mr. kayak). I ALWAYS did the leaving. I would never allow it to happen. NEVER. I had become something like an oracle or a prophet. I would always be analyzing the relationship and gaging where we were to ensure if things took a turn that I would be the one to recognize the inevitable end and snuff things out in a logical manner. Not this time. I let it be what it was. I didn’t try to organize it or plan how it would end. He simple moved on and I accepted it.
One thing everyone has or had is a mother, so Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that everyone loves to celebrate. Even when your mother has passed, it can be sad but still a celebration to the woman who gave you life. What about when you are estranged from your mother? Mother’s Day is…
Everyone thinks they are great! We all have a little list of our best qualities and attributes that make us a great catch. Our job, our looks, body, education, personality and I could go on. What a lot of people struggle with is that no list could ever really prove if you actually are a…
Then there were the remotes, he had four and each had a specific location and direction they had to be placed in. Next was the trash, which was not allowed to actually be put into the trash can. Gradually over a few months he rolled more and more rules for life with him. I initially thought that I could handle it that he was a great guy with just a particular way he liked things to be. I grabbed a book on dating people with OCD and watched a few videos and figured that everyone has good points and bad points, he was just a little OCD, I could deal with that.
A teacher can speak to you about information and knowledge but cannot give you their own understanding.
As we enter into week forever of the pandemic, I want to ask “How are you doing?”. For me I miss my routine. Early morning workout, getting the kids off to school, work, cooking dinner and relaxing with either a book or television in the evening. In other words, I missed being busy! But do…
What has become your new normal?