His Fear

His fear is something I made
I paved the way with worry
And each stone was artfully laid
His wings I clipped
I had always wanted him to soar
Yet I dutifully focused on each and every snip.

Trust

Social trust is the glue of society. This form of trust allows people to live and work together, feel safe, and belong to a group. It’s kind of funny when you take a moment to consider that without trust our entire country and way of life would crumble. Our ability to trust in money, a simple piece of linen, to believe that it holds value allows economies to flourish. Our ability to trust politicians and leaders creates a stable society and the absence of that trust can lead to division, public outcry, and can be the basis for the total destruction of a civilization.

Exhaling

I will admit that sometimes when I am on a trip or out in the world being my glorious adventurous self, there might be a sunset that makes me long for a companion in that moment. Yet, I wouldn’t trade the entire trip for the little bit of sadness I experience in that moment….

Des Arbres

Its history transcends this life as it falls, released from bondage
Creating and Informing generations and yet the cycle is repeated
Reaching to the heavens craving warmth and connection

Lazy vs Depression

What happens to a hypochondriac, introvert during a pandemic with a history of depression? Well you get me struggling with the dark comfort that depression sometimes offers. Today was a perfect sunny 88 degrees and I had to force myself to take a shower, put on semi clean clothing to pick up a Walmart curbside…

Mine to Me

I know many suggest that you simply rid yourself of all expectations and be open to love. But I really just don’t understand how one is supposed to just magically want that which you don’t naturally want. We should all have standards and expectations, healthy and realistic expectations are a requirement. So then How? How in this era of standards, perspectives, and expectations are we afforded the opportunity to lay claim and how do we allow ourselves to be claimed?

Hustle Hard

I love to live life, to read, to travel, to enjoy every moment with my kids, and always create new memories. To do these things I need money, so I have ambition but its limited. I am not willing to work more hours, I am not willing to have less time with my kids, nor am I willing to sacrifice my personal time. I used to feel odd. Like I needed to be doing more. Like I needed three different revenue streams. Like I needed to be this new ambitious woman. Women had fought for the right to be all those things and here I am squandering all the opportunities they toiled for. This used to send a symphony of “You Are Not Good Enough” reverberating through the echo chambers of my mind. Especially when I first left grad school.

Mr. Neverwas…

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will Disappear.” Tao Te Ching

Mr. Abandonment

I was always the one that ended things. I would stop the abandonment from happening. I cannot recall a time in my life where the other party ended a relationship with me (this happened before Mr. kayak). I ALWAYS did the leaving. I would never allow it to happen. NEVER. I had become something like an oracle or a prophet. I would always be analyzing the relationship and gaging where we were to ensure if things took a turn that I would be the one to recognize the inevitable end and snuff things out in a logical manner. Not this time. I let it be what it was. I didn’t try to organize it or plan how it would end. He simple moved on and I accepted it.

Sad Mother’s Day

One thing everyone has or had is a mother, so Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that everyone loves to celebrate.   Even when your mother has passed, it can be sad but still a celebration to the woman who gave you life. What about when you are estranged from your mother?  Mother’s Day is…