Everyone thinks they are great! We all have a little list of our best qualities and attributes that make us a great catch. Our job, our looks, body, education, personality and I could go on. What a lot of people struggle with is that no list could ever really prove if you actually are a great catch, and the reason is simple. The importance of each thing on the list varies from person to person. Each individual has their own perspective on what ingredients blend together to denote someone as a compatible mate. I think myself to be a DOPE ass person and AWESOME to be with in a relationship! Yes, I know I’m on my Kanye shit right now but hey it’s how I feel! And honestly you should too. I understand that there are folks who would disagree with me and that’s fine. No, I’m not delusional I know every imperfection and flaw I possess in great detail, but I also know that they don’t detract from my DOPENESS!
Now my doneness does not mean I am everyone’s cup of tea actually I’m not most folks cup of tea. I am one of those people who meet a lot of the paper list requirements, but often the chemistry is off or some other simple thing like the fact that I drive a ridiculous SUV with bull horns on the front of it is a bit outside the comfort zone for most middle age corporate men to handle. There is also the fact that I find myself in precarious situations sometimes and while not due to anything I have directly caused it still can impact compatibility.
I’m a tad outdoorsy, like bugs, camping, and crazy road trips. These things sound cool buuuuuut the reality is a lot of guys don’t like bugs, or camping, or any of the stuff they just like the pictures of those things. On extreme example is my first date with Mr. Kayak. We had been communicating for a bit and he seemed nice. He talked about being outdoorsy, enjoying hunting, fishing, and kayaking. I was quite intrigued and was looking forward to getting out together at some point. At his behest we grabbed our kayaks and hit a lake near me. Things seemed great! The convo was decent but a tad awkward first date-ish. As we began to head back to the shore the winds picked up creating a lot of waves and his kayak began taking in water. We attempted to make it to the tree line (there was no shore) but just before we made it the boat went down!
We were both wearing life jackets and surprisingly the water was just below chest height so we could stand up! We grabbed the boat and attempted to dump the water out, but the waves were unrelenting. I figured we would regroup and think of a plan, but he suggested that I call the park service due to the fact that he couldn’t swim! I was so surprised by that fact, he was so comfortable being on the water. We just didn’t want to take any chances trying to swim back. So, I called for help and while we waited, we laughed a bit chatted and talked about how for our next date we would definitely do something more traditional. After a while the fire department came to rescue us (there was even a helicopter). They took us and the boat to the far side of the lake, so we had to ride in the back of a cop car to get our car. So, while we waited in the back of the cop car, I suggested that we kiss. I figured why not? Would make for a great ending to a crazy first date. Accept we were in a cop car and as street as I am, I have to admit I was nervous, so it was just a quick awkward I don’t usually kiss on the first date kinda kiss. That didn’t really bother me I figured we would have another date or a few and the situation would be more conducive to that sort of thing.
Except we didn’t ever see one another again. No future date to redeem myself, no opportunity to recap and redo that last awkward moment. We did speak and he said that he got more of a friendship vibe from me. Apparently, it’s a common vibe I put out, so I understood, such is life. From my perspective we had had an exciting experience that would be the starting tale of something great. From his perspective the chemistry just wasn’t there and that was that. I share this story and I have many where it was reversed and I was the one who just didn’t feel the chemistry and ended things just to say no matter how great or dope you are the chemistry and timing have to be right. So, stop getting mad at a dude for ghosting when you know that you yourself have ghosted folks too. Stop making people into bad guys, simply enjoy the time, learn the lesson, and keep living. Don’t take it personal, you are still the DOPENESS just not for them, and that’s ok.