Surrender

I actually just looked up the words surrender and submit and almost had a panic attack. It was all this talk of “yielding” power and control. To willingly give oneself up to another, to allow something to happen to you! There was also talk about the person you are surrendering or submitting to being more powerful or having authority over you! The surrendered party having admitted defeat because they were not powerful enough to resist! I do not know how this is humanly possible outside of an actual battle where one surrenders or submits so that they might survive to fight another day. I don’t know that I have the capacity to surrender to another human at this point in my life.

Celie and Nettie

I was so happy before having kids I don’t think I loved anyone on earth as much as I loved her. In my mind she was this combination of daughter, sister, friend that I would do anything for. She was smart, funny, and so beautiful. Yet, she too had suffered at the hands of my mother. When she shared her pain with me, I felt all of my normal emotions, but I also felt guilt. I truly felt that I had abandoned her. Even though I was just a child at the time I felt responsible for leaving, like I had caused her to have to endure a life that I refused to.

Sometimes Chickens Gotta Get Choked

People should watch the tone they take with me. I did grow up in some not so nice places and saw some not so nice things. Yet it’s not really true. Yes, I lived in tough places, but I was an observationist and never fully accepted or participated in the street lifestyle. So, after Captains Mast when we were found guilty and given thirty days of base restriction was a tad scared.

A Brand-New Day

“Pimping is an art, Whoreson. There are very few pimps in this world who can really take the title of being a pimp. Just because a man gets his money from a whore, that don’t make him no true pimp. Real pimps are really rare.”

-Donald Goines, Whoreson

Asian Girl Lost…

I hated Linda’s boyfriend! I don’t like to use that word often, but I disliked him from the first time we met. It was just something about him that I did not like. He was so over the top player pimpish that I could not stand to say more than a few words to him. I would always find someplace to go whenever he came to see her.

Life Was Good! Well Good-ish

I am a beyond hopeless romantic! What will surprise most is that I am shy, awkward, and usually terrified during the early stages of courtship. This was why I didn’t like dating. It made me feel weak, vulnerable, and a little silly. All the emotions and the fact that it is impossible to ever really…

Going, Going Back, Back to Cali, Cali!

This post marks the halfway point of my goal for the year. Number twenty-six of fifty-two posts I planned for this year! This may seem like a small feat to you but to me its monumental. This time last year I could barely eek out a single page, double spaced, with sixteen-point font!! I was…

Don’t Know Body Want Cho Ass!

I didn’t know how to date. Honestly, I am not that good at it even now. I just wanted to meet the ONE and be together. #Neo on a side tangent. It’s silly but every time I hear the phrase “the one” I think of Neo from the matrix! Back to my point though, I didn’t want the process of dating this guy or the next guy. Didn’t want to spend time trying to figure out who they were and getting past their representative.

The drinks were many and good decisions were few.

I never thought I would be the drill team type. That sounded like extra work and it would take away from my weekends and so I was not really interested. The tour was just a formality, something that was standard stop on the base tour. Once we reached the home of the Crackerjacks (they were named after the traditional navy uniform) I was a tad intrigued. I was told that while being on the team did require some of your personal time, there were major perks. All students in A school had to meet up early in the morning and march in large groups to school, team members did not. All students had to have monthly uniform and room inspections team members did not. I was sold!!

Swiper No Swiping!!!

We went to Grandpa Pigeons, it was Walmart before I knew what Walmart was. My aunt and cousin went around the store stuffing items into their coat like gang busters! I was just wandering around looking at random junk when my aunt approached me and asked if I would put a pink One Hundred and One Dalmatians sweater in my purse for her daughter…