Pancake Sundays

My journey to find a spiritual home started when I was a kid living with my mother in Chicago.  We would visit different churches of different denominations.  Around 1985 my mother visited a Christian Science Church, I continued to attend even when I left St. Louis and was living in New York with my grandparents,…

The Child That Never Was…

I had a movie in my mind of what my life would be. I would be intentional, I would plan, and I would move from one stage of life to the next in a well-orchestrated way. I would not be like my mom or dad! I would use the bad examples provided by my aunts,…

What’s Cooking

Entering into 2020 I am trying to figure out what I will be writing about moving forward.  I was talking to my best friend aka Latrice, she asked what is it about cooking that makes me light up.  She stated that she observed the way I write about my 14-year-old daughter when she cooks and how I…

The Extrication Era II

Breaking out of the box you have been in is definitely going to be hard. However, it will never be as torturous as dying the slow death caused by pretending that you like the box.

The Mechanized Era

During these years there were so many pieces of myself placed on the shelf. So many of my wants and needs that I pushed aside in an effort to be a good wife and mother. I don’t know how people say things like “I have no regrets” and have that be an actual true statement. It sounds nice but the reality is there will always be things that we regret, things that we wish we had done differently. I really regret not making my wants, needs, and desires a priority. I consistently put myself last in the hopes that my sacrifice would be recognized or rewarded at some later date. The problem with that is if all we have is now later never arrives. This was perfect breeding ground for resentment.

Walking on Sunshine

I was new at this love thing, so I came out with guns blazing. I wanted to go places together, do cool things, to hang out all the time, but most of all just to be held. It’s so simple but the things I wanted most of all was to simply be held. For him to look into my eyes knowing everything good and bad about me. To have his arms around me and feel that I was safe. To be loved for my imperfections and to be allowed to grow into the best version of myself. My ideas of how love was expressed was purely based on what I had gathered from songs, movies, TV shows, and books. I had never seen what I believed to be real love exercised by anyone in my life. I just collected the good parts of the real relationships that I had seen while vowing to avoid the negative parts. I had it all figured out.

Perfect, Imperfect Autumn Day

Have you ever had a day that was planned, but life found opportunities to be in the moment? Today was one of those days for me. My day was planned… Get the kids out for the bus without them killing each other, get dress, write today’s post, and go see the movie Harriet. First thing…

Cali Love!

After my sister returned home, I immediately started looking for a decent two-bedroom apartment that I could afford for the two of us. I wanted to get close to the beach or to have a nice view that would set the mood for great things. I am really into esthetics. I have always felt that…

Trash Bags

One night before bed, Ms. Brown came into the girls room with a large black trash bag. We looked around to see who was leaving. You have to understand, being a foster kid at Ms. Brown’s isn’t perfect, but it’s almost as close you can find in Chicago. The hope is to stay here until it’s time to go home.