Pancake Sundays

My journey to find a spiritual home started when I was a kid living with my mother in Chicago.  We would visit different churches of different denominations.  Around 1985 my mother visited a Christian Science Church, I continued to attend even when I left St. Louis and was living in New York with my grandparents,…

The Child That Never Was…

I had a movie in my mind of what my life would be. I would be intentional, I would plan, and I would move from one stage of life to the next in a well-orchestrated way. I would not be like my mom or dad! I would use the bad examples provided by my aunts,…

What’s Cooking

Entering into 2020 I am trying to figure out what I will be writing about moving forward.  I was talking to my best friend aka Latrice, she asked what is it about cooking that makes me light up.  She stated that she observed the way I write about my 14-year-old daughter when she cooks and how I…

Happy New Year

So once again, I fell off with my posts. Writing about my past almost sent me to counseling, thank God I have a best friend that I can work my shit out and talk through some stuff. But I still ended up with a major writing block. I really did not want to finish my…

The Mechanized Era

During these years there were so many pieces of myself placed on the shelf. So many of my wants and needs that I pushed aside in an effort to be a good wife and mother. I don’t know how people say things like “I have no regrets” and have that be an actual true statement. It sounds nice but the reality is there will always be things that we regret, things that we wish we had done differently. I really regret not making my wants, needs, and desires a priority. I consistently put myself last in the hopes that my sacrifice would be recognized or rewarded at some later date. The problem with that is if all we have is now later never arrives. This was perfect breeding ground for resentment.

The Golden Era

We were married on a Thursday in September, on the very cliffs where we had blown dandelions only a few months earlier. Of course, there were a couple of hiccups, like the photographer got lost, the violinist never showed, and the little white carpet for the isle didn’t get put down until the last second. None of that changed the fact that we were getting married. The carpet was put in place just as the photographer finally found us and the show went on even without the violin’s music wafting through the air. I was happy. We chose to keep things simple, there was no need for flowers or decorations. We had a beautiful sunset, rocky cliffs, and the ocean no need to embellish the natural beauty of the day.

Perfect, Imperfect Autumn Day

Have you ever had a day that was planned, but life found opportunities to be in the moment? Today was one of those days for me. My day was planned… Get the kids out for the bus without them killing each other, get dress, write today’s post, and go see the movie Harriet. First thing…

Surrender

I actually just looked up the words surrender and submit and almost had a panic attack. It was all this talk of “yielding” power and control. To willingly give oneself up to another, to allow something to happen to you! There was also talk about the person you are surrendering or submitting to being more powerful or having authority over you! The surrendered party having admitted defeat because they were not powerful enough to resist! I do not know how this is humanly possible outside of an actual battle where one surrenders or submits so that they might survive to fight another day. I don’t know that I have the capacity to surrender to another human at this point in my life.

A Brand-New Day

“Pimping is an art, Whoreson. There are very few pimps in this world who can really take the title of being a pimp. Just because a man gets his money from a whore, that don’t make him no true pimp. Real pimps are really rare.”

-Donald Goines, Whoreson

Asian Girl Lost…

I hated Linda’s boyfriend! I don’t like to use that word often, but I disliked him from the first time we met. It was just something about him that I did not like. He was so over the top player pimpish that I could not stand to say more than a few words to him. I would always find someplace to go whenever he came to see her.