I will admit that sometimes when I am on a trip or out in the world being my glorious adventurous self, there might be a sunset that makes me long for a companion in that moment. Yet, I wouldn’t trade the entire trip for the little bit of sadness I experience in that moment….
These memories feel so good! As I write I can feel the warmth of the sun streaming through our living room window. I can hear the squeals and the laughter. I can smell the baby magic I dutifully slathered over them. And I can taste the meals we shared at our table. Knowing what I know now would I repeat the decisions of my past? Yes, and YES! I would never change a single thing that lead to the creation of these two kidos.
I was new at this love thing, so I came out with guns blazing. I wanted to go places together, do cool things, to hang out all the time, but most of all just to be held. It’s so simple but the things I wanted most of all was to simply be held. For him to look into my eyes knowing everything good and bad about me. To have his arms around me and feel that I was safe. To be loved for my imperfections and to be allowed to grow into the best version of myself. My ideas of how love was expressed was purely based on what I had gathered from songs, movies, TV shows, and books. I had never seen what I believed to be real love exercised by anyone in my life. I just collected the good parts of the real relationships that I had seen while vowing to avoid the negative parts. I had it all figured out.