We (Adrian and I) were an us! From that night forward we just were. There was no discussion no plan it was just what it was. It was easy for our friends to accept for the most part they had thought we were fooling around prior to our announcement (but we weren’t). Everyone wanted to tell us how they knew all along that we would get together. That we had been playing around for the last two years and that it was about time that we stopped fooling ourselves. I would laugh because in hind sight they were kinda right. I think we both wanted this the whole time but were afraid to take the leap.
I was new at this love thing, so I came out with guns blazing. I wanted to go places together, do cool things, to hang out all the time, but most of all just to be held. It’s so simple but the things I wanted most of all was to simply be held. For him to look into my eyes knowing everything good and bad about me. To have his arms around me and feel that I was safe. To be loved for my imperfections and to be allowed to grow into the best version of myself. My ideas of how love was expressed was purely based on what I had gathered from songs, movies, TV shows, and books. I had never seen what I believed to be real love exercised by anyone in my life. I just collected the good parts of the real relationships that I had seen while vowing to avoid the negative parts. I had it all figured out.
In my vision we would share our deepest secrets while sipping wine. We would understand and support one another’s dreams. We would go on wonderful dates. We would go on amazing adventures together. Most of all we would do so together for the rest of our lives. I had found my lobster! (Friends TV show reference). I believed this because I had known him for a couple of years, he had met some of my family, we had already talked about a lot and I felt that was it. My vision was pretty spot on. We basically followed the recipe perfectly. I felt like I was walking on sunshine! Yes, I could literally hear the music playing in my mind and my soul was bopping along to the beat!! I can say that this was honestly one of the happiest times of my life.
The only wrinkle was that when I had gone home for Christmas that year my sister and her child’s father had broken up. She didn’t know what she would do and around the same time my one of my cousins found herself in a similar situation. I told them both to come to Cali! That they could live with me and we could build a better life together! They both agreed to. My sitter was the only one that actually came though. Adrian and I had just started dating less than a month when my sister and my nephew moved in with me in my one-bedroom apartment. Meanwhile Adrian still lived in the barracks. This made it difficult for us to have a lot of chill time initially, but we made it work. Within a month we moved to a bigger apartment and things were getting back on track.
Adrian never officially moved in, but we were sudo living together. He stayed over most nights, had half of his stuff at my place, and participated in household chores. Everything was going so well!! He accepted and loved my sister and her son. We still had time for us to be a couple and for me the best part was that everything was so seamless. Like this is how it was supposed to be. There was no fighting no complaints, well accept when I realized he was taking like four showers a day creating a mountain of LAUNDRY!!! He was also going through a bar of soap a day!!! Hilariousness! There was a simple solution, we got separate laundry baskets, and each did our own and we each got our own soap. That was the biggest issue we had!! Life was good. I thought Adrian walked on water. He would write love notes, make surprise romantic dinners, and said all the right things! “I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!) I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!) And don’t it feel good!!”
I was convinced that life was good, so much so that when Adrian got orders to the air station in Lemoore California, it didn’t faze me. It was only four and a half hours away. Besides I had my sister and absence makes the heart grow fonder right? My brother was coming to stay for the summer, and Adrian had agreed to go with me to LA to pick him up. Adrian’s cousin also happened to be in town and decided to come with us to LA. This ride would take waaaaay longer than anticipated because Adrian refused to stop and ask for help when we got lost. It got so bad that his cousin and I plotted against him taking the road map (there was no google maps and GPS at that time) and forcing him to stop at a gas station for directions. Adrian got the directions and we were picking up my brother in no time. The bad part was Adrian was MAD! This was my first time making him mad. I didn’t have experience with such things so of course I made jokes and tried to make everyone laugh it off. Everyone did except him. He did not speak for the remainder of the night. He dropped my brother and I off went to spend the last little bit of time with his cousin. For the first time in our relationship I was unsure and a little afraid that I might have ruined things between us. I was so dramatic. He came by the next day and things were fine. The drive didn’t even come up. We all hung out like a big family going to Six Flags, Universal Studio’s, the beach and whatever else my brother wanted to do.
One evening after running around with my brother we were laying around watching TV and he asked me “what I would say if I asked you to marry me?” I didn’t take him seriously but responded “I would say yeah.” I then asked him the same question, what would he say if I were to ask him? He replied in kind. We continued to watch TV for a bit and then he said, “so do you want to?” I sat up and looked at him. “yeah, do you want to?” he looked at me and said, “Yes I do.” In that moment a flash of energy shot through me, I couldn’t believe it! of course I had to make jokes, hit him with my pillow, and ask him if he was sure! I told my brother and sister immediately and called my mom and then joked about how it was too late to back out since I had told my mom. He laughed and kissed me.
We had been a couple for less than four months! We planned to marry that September, which was a little past our six-month mark! I was a world wind everything was happening so fast, but I had known him for a couple of years, and this was how it was supposed to go. We were friends first it felt as if we knew just about everything about one another. Fairy tales really did come true!
I used to think maybe you loved me now baby I’m sure
And I just can’t wait till the day when you knock on my door
Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down
‘Cause I just can’t wait ’til you write me you’re coming around
I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I’m walking on sunshine (Wow!)
And don’t it feel good
Hey, alright now
And don’t it feel good, hey…
*** I am so happy to have had this experience in my life! This is one of those fork in the road moments in life where your life takes a specific direction that leads to so many other moments and outcomes that would have never existed had you chosen a different path. Adrian and I were married for nearly fifteen years I could write a whole blog and a book about that but here I will break it down into three eras The Golden era, The Mechanized era, and The Extrication era. And even though our journey together ended I am really happy with my life now and I know had I not chosen the path that included him I would not have my kids and may not have come to know and love myself as I now do.***
Deliberately dope 