I had always known how difficult raising children would be and I knew that raising them alone would be even more difficult. My ability to plan helped with the logistics but children require so much more than a logistical task master. They need a person to talk to. Some one to teach them what life is about. They need more than food, clothes, and shelter. Children need to be loved. Loved and parented so that they can grow, live, and pass that love on to the next generation. Sounds simple but I wasn’t raised that way. I did’t feel that I possed enough love for myself, so there was definitely not enougy to be pass on to the next generation.
Have you ever thought about the first time you heard the term, “unconditional love” or did you experience it before knowing what it was? I remember hearing the term and at first thinking I never experienced it, but then with further thought I realized that there isn’t only one way to experience the concept of…
These memories feel so good! As I write I can feel the warmth of the sun streaming through our living room window. I can hear the squeals and the laughter. I can smell the baby magic I dutifully slathered over them. And I can taste the meals we shared at our table. Knowing what I know now would I repeat the decisions of my past? Yes, and YES! I would never change a single thing that lead to the creation of these two kidos.
My journey to find a spiritual home started when I was a kid living with my mother in Chicago. We would visit different churches of different denominations. Around 1985 my mother visited a Christian Science Church, I continued to attend even when I left St. Louis and was living in New York with my grandparents,…
Entering into 2020 I am trying to figure out what I will be writing about moving forward. I was talking to my best friend aka Latrice, she asked what is it about cooking that makes me light up. She stated that she observed the way I write about my 14-year-old daughter when she cooks and how I…
“Tears are words that need to be written.” P. Coelho
According to Plato’s, The Symposium, humans were originally created with two sets of arms, two sets legs and a head with two faces. They were very powerful in this form and that power generated fear in the Gods. To diminish their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts. weakening and condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. This was how I imagined Adrian and I, instead of just regular humans I imagined us to be more of a two headed Godzilla.
Breaking out of the box you have been in is definitely going to be hard. However, it will never be as torturous as dying the slow death caused by pretending that you like the box.
Adrian and I had a small disagreement about where we should get dropped off for the day. I didn’t really think anything of it initially it was just a simple hey we should get off here instead of there because of x,y,z kind of thing. He reluctantly agreed but did not utter a single word to me the remainder of the time we were in Paris. What I believed would be our first dream trip had become one of our last and a nightmare.
During these years there were so many pieces of myself placed on the shelf. So many of my wants and needs that I pushed aside in an effort to be a good wife and mother. I don’t know how people say things like “I have no regrets” and have that be an actual true statement. It sounds nice but the reality is there will always be things that we regret, things that we wish we had done differently. I really regret not making my wants, needs, and desires a priority. I consistently put myself last in the hopes that my sacrifice would be recognized or rewarded at some later date. The problem with that is if all we have is now later never arrives. This was perfect breeding ground for resentment.