My journey to find a spiritual home started when I was a kid living with my mother in Chicago. We would visit different churches of different denominations. Around 1985 my mother visited a Christian Science Church, I continued to attend even when I left St. Louis and was living in New York with my grandparents,…
During these years there were so many pieces of myself placed on the shelf. So many of my wants and needs that I pushed aside in an effort to be a good wife and mother. I don’t know how people say things like “I have no regrets” and have that be an actual true statement. It sounds nice but the reality is there will always be things that we regret, things that we wish we had done differently. I really regret not making my wants, needs, and desires a priority. I consistently put myself last in the hopes that my sacrifice would be recognized or rewarded at some later date. The problem with that is if all we have is now later never arrives. This was perfect breeding ground for resentment.
During lunch, we sat together and often talked about gossip. There was a girl at school who had gone down on a boy! Everyone was talking about it saying things like “don’t let her drink out of your soda!” We had a whole panel discussion about how we would never do such a thing and what extremes it would take for us to EVER consider it. This is so funny and was definitely a different time, all the scenarios involved a gun, a knife, a bat, or marriage!! We were young and thought we knew what was, what should be, and what would be. In reality, we had no idea at all.
another odd fact about me was that sometimes my life had theme music, sometimes it was a popular song of the day but often it was like theme music theme music…lol Sometimes when I was running it would be that sound from the Bionic Man “Beennn nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh”, if I was climbing a tree it would be orchestra music from Indiana Jones “Dun dunanta dunantan duntan duntan dyantan duntan dun dun dun dun dun atan dun dunn dun dun duntan duntan duntan”, and on days that were just good it would be the theme from Greatest American Hero!