I was always the one that ended things. I would stop the abandonment from happening. I cannot recall a time in my life where the other party ended a relationship with me (this happened before Mr. kayak). I ALWAYS did the leaving. I would never allow it to happen. NEVER. I had become something like an oracle or a prophet. I would always be analyzing the relationship and gaging where we were to ensure if things took a turn that I would be the one to recognize the inevitable end and snuff things out in a logical manner. Not this time. I let it be what it was. I didn’t try to organize it or plan how it would end. He simple moved on and I accepted it.
“Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Because it’s hard to keep up the lie. ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act… sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative.” CR
Weird fact about me I am kind of into anime. I came to it late in life (in my late 30s) not in my teen years like most. So NO, I do not like Dragon Ball, Pokemon, or Naruto! My first anime was Death Note, but one of my first fighting anime was Bleach. WhatContinue reading “Evolve or Die”
I will say this, I’m hoping that sharing my story will help me feel free and fly.
I am blocked. It’s not a true writer’s block, more like I might not be ready to deal with the aftermath kinda block. The first eight years, I was able to romanticize the abandonment I felt as a result of both parents not being in my life. I skipped through the sexual molestation I experiencedContinue reading “Price of Telling Your Story”
Happy Birthday Ms. Diana Ross! “You can’t just sit there and wait for people to give you that golden dream. You’ve got to get out there and make it happen for yourself.” – Diana Ross As a child, Diana Ross could do no wrong in my eyes. She was beautiful, graceful, glamorous, and was aContinue reading “Paper Dolls”
I loved being a chocolate baby doll, I remember hearing “You’re so cute!” “Look at those eyes!” and “You have a head full of hair.” I never heard the qualifier “you’re so cute, for a dark little girl” all I heard was “cute dark girl”. It wasn’t until kindergarten, I started associating my skin complexionContinue reading “Burnt Toast”
Fear is a powerful mind fuck. For over two weeks I found myself in the grips of fear over my mammogram results. My first appointment was canceled and instead of me searching for the silver lining, fear dug it’s claws in deeper. I promise I can feel the undiagnosed cancer spreading through my body. IContinue reading “Fear Part 2… Weight or Motivator”
Fear had become a part of me, like a vestigial organ, hiding in the space between my heart and my lungs. Serving no purpose and providing no benefit at this point in my evolution. It would squeeze my heart just a bit to keep me from fully experiencing joy, reminding me to not get comfortable or let my guard down because pain was sure to arrive soon. It would push all the air out of my lungs and leave me gasping for oxygen when I began to consider the possibility that I was enough, conditioning me so I would know that I was not…
Memories are comprised of the neural connections, impulses, and proteins that help us store the stories of our lives. Its how we are able to uniquely be ourselves, no one on earth will remember any single event exactly the way you do.