Sad Mother’s Day

One thing everyone has or had is a mother, so Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that everyone loves to celebrate.   Even when your mother has passed, it can be sad but still a celebration to the woman who gave you life.

What about when you are estranged from your mother?  Mother’s Day is a day of highs in lows.  Do I just post something for the sake of posting something?  Do I call her and chance her going off on me? Or do I text and knowing it might lead to a day of hateful text message that will fuck me up well past today?

I am asking these questions to the internets, because I really want to know.  On a very intellectual level, I understand this is a man made holiday, but it is linked with so many emotions.  From the handmade gifts from children who are told to make this but do not fully understand or may not appreciate the importance of the day to the half hearted Mother Day wishes when they are teens.  But then we grow and mature and really truly appreciate our mothers and the sacrifices they made and Mother’s Day becomes a true day of celebration and expression of love and gratitude.

IMG_1197

As long as I can remember, I have given my mother a white orchard corsage to wear to church.  I haven’t decided what I am going to do, but I know that I love my mother and maybe holding on to that and thinking about her and appreciating her from a far might be enough.

I walked away from this post and truly took the day to reflect. I enjoyed my family and received several texts and calls from family and friends. Motherhood is a gift that no one really knows how to handle and fully grasp. Every time I think I alone can’t fully handle it’s pressures, I’m reminded that I have a village of mothers who are willing to prop me up and help shoulder its burdens and celebrate the joys.

My Strong Village

So while today started off on a low point, it’s concluding on a high note.

Happy Mother’s Day.

My Heart Beats

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