There often comes a moment in the middle of a situation where we know how we should act, the things we should say and what we should be feeling. Yet we don’t actual do or feel any of those things that we should. We go off the rails a bit. Later we are bewildered and don’t know why we acted so out of character.
I had all the hormones, emotions, and anger of a normal teenage girl added with a difficult childhood, abuse, and neglect. In my mind I was GROWN. I examined many of the “adults” in my life and was confident that I was their equal or superior in a multitude of ways. I watched how many of them lived their lives and vowed that I would not live my life like them. They would serve an anti-example of how to live my life. I worked, saved money, I was responsible for two kids, and I knew Education was the key to changing my situation because no one was coming to save me. I would have to save myself, not my “real” mom, not my aunts, not my dad, no one. I would have to save me.